


If I Could Take It Back

by WhimsyNeptune



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Apologies, F/F, Mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-04 14:39:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14022435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhimsyNeptune/pseuds/WhimsyNeptune
Summary: The door opened, to show a mopey Kara Danvers with puffy red eyes. She was wearing a paint-stained t-shirt and a loose pair of sweatpants that were missing their tie-string. “Lena?” She asked confusedly.Lena gave her a nervous and tentative half-smile. “Hello,” She said weakly as she gave a hesitant wave.Or,Lena has a massive lapse in judgment, and it tears a rift between herself and Kara.





	If I Could Take It Back

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in under two hours, so I really hope it's good.

Lena sighed as she knocked on Kara’s door… After what she’d done, she knew that this impending conversation was going to destroy her, she’d betrayed Kara, and now she was going to lose her forever.

She stifled back a whimper of agony and swallowed the lump in her throat. Why had she been so stupid? Why hadn’t she taken Kara’s feelings into consideration when she’d kissed someone that she had no business kissing? Sure, she’d pulled away as soon as she saw Kara, but it was still too late…

The door opened, to show a mopey Kara Danvers with puffy red eyes her eyes. She was wearing a paint-stained t-shirt and a loose pair of sweatpants that were missing their tie-string. “Lena?” She asked confusedly.

Lena gave her a nervous and tentative half-smile. “Hello,” She said weakly as she gave a hesitant wave.

“I didn’t expect you to be here…” Kara admitted, making no move to invite Lena in, which was wholeheartedly expected… She’d betrayed the Kryptonian in the most horrid way imaginable.

“I-I know you saw us, Kara… and I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think when it happened, but I swear to you, it will never happen again. It was a fluke, a mistake, and if I could take it back, I swear on _everything_ that I would. You are an invaluable part of my life, and I’d never do anything to jeopardize what we have.”

Kara sighed and shook her head, moving to the side to let her in.

Lena felt hope rise inside of her as she entered the apartment. Not knowing exactly where she and Kara stood at the moment but hoping that she could repair their bond. She watched as Kara leaned the small of her back against her tall dining room table, her arms crossed over her chest and her ankles crossed beneath her. She looked to Lena expectantly.

The CEO felt incredibly vulnerable at that point. She was terrified of saying the wrong thing and ruining what she had with Kara, not really sure what she would do if Kara turned her back to Lena after this horrible accident.

“Kara, I’m so, so, _so_ incredibly sorry,” Lena said, her breath hitching when she saw the tears that Kara was indubitably fighting, begin to fall… Knowing that she caused Kara this type of pain made Lena want to jump from the tallest building In National City (CatCo, which she luckily owned.) -if this conversation didn’t end well she decided that’s exactly what she’d do.- “I-it just happened.”

Kara’s jaw clenched, and she bit both of her lips. “You kissed her.” She said through gnashed teeth after a few moments of silence. “How does that ‘just happen’?”

Lena could no longer fight her tears and let them fall. “I didn’t plan it, Kara…” She sobbed.

“Yet it still happened. What’s to stop it from happening again?” Kara asked desperately. “If it ‘just happened’ then it can again… How do I know it’s not been going on for months?!”

Lena felt her hope deplete as her terror and dread began to consume her again… “I- I don’t know.” She said, guilt overwhelming her, helplessness overtaking her.

Kara’s tears increased as she uncrossed her arms and reached for the ring on her left ring finger, sliding it off as she cried.

Lena’s heart shattered. She couldn’t lose Kara; she’d _die_ “Kara, _please_!”

The Kryptonian shook her head and pursed her lips as she handed the ring out in her palm for Lena to take. Lena refused, fighting back bile as she stared at the ring she’d given Kara over three months ago. “I love you, and I’d still like us to be friends after we get through this, but you weren’t drunk, you weren’t exhausted… It was just a normal day at the office, and you still kissed her. Nothing was distorting your lucidity, but you still did it. You made the conscious decision to kiss her, and you have no idea _why_ you did it. So how can I trust that you won’t repeat this again? I’m not what you want Lena because if I were, this wouldn’t have even happened.”

Lena let out a sob, pushing Kara’s offered hand away from her like it was poisoned. How could Kara think for a s _econd_ that she wasn’t what the brunette wanted!? “Kara, don’t do this. Of course, I want you! I want you more than I want to be rid of the Luthor curse!”

Kara shook her head. “I love you, Lena. I’m positive that I always will, but I can’t trust you anymore… I’m sorry.”

“IT WAS JUST A KISS!” Lena choked out, “If you had kissed someone, I wouldn’t leave you!”

Kara scoffed. “Lena, that wasn’t just a ‘kiss’ that was a _make-out_ session! And you got mad at me for liking Sara’s _profile_ picture, so I know damn well you would leave me over making out with someone else!”

Lena bit her lip, sighing shakily in acquiescence because Kara was right, the CEO would’ve had the same reaction… primarily because of who it was that she kissed. “I swear to god, Kara… It will never happen again. I’ll do anything to get another chance.”

Kara took Lena’s hand, and for a second the brunette that this entire travesty was over, but then, Kara opened up her fist, and placed the ring in her palm before closing Lena’s fingers around it. “I made a promise to you to always be your friend, and to always protect you, and I intend to keep it. But we _both_ made a promise to stay loyal to each other, and you broke it… I’m sorry, Lena.” She cried.

Lena shook her head desperately trying to get Kara’s break-up declaration out of her head. “No! Kara, please, we can get past this!”

Kara smiled sadly. “You’re the one that told me to never settle for less than I deserve, Lena. You’re the one that told me that I don’t have to put up with someone hurting me… I don’t deserve this, Lena… I don’t deserve to be hurt like this, I don't deserve to not to be able to trust the person I’m planning on marrying in six months.”

Lena whimpered, knowing that Kara was right… She deserved someone better. Someone that wasn’t evil, and unlovable, and disloyal. Someone who wasn’t selfish, and pathetic… Someone that wasn’t a _Luthor_.

She nodded in heartbroken defeat. “I’ll give you your space.” She croaked out.

Kara smiled tearfully and nodded. “I’ll text you as soon as I’m a bit better.”

Lena smiled through her tears and nodded. “I’m so sorry, Kara… I’m so fucking sorry.”

**XXX**

The CEO didn’t even make it halfway home before she realized that Kara wasn’t the last person she kissed, and that brought about another round of devastation…

Kara would never be the last person she kissed again.

Kara was never going to be her wife.

Kara was never going to call her ‘baby girl’ again.

 Kara was never going to make love to her again.

Kara was never going to be _hers_ again.

She immediately pulled off of the road, as her sobs wracked her body, and tears blurred her vision.

**XXX**

Three days later, Lena sat brokenhearted in her penthouse, trying against all her better judgment to stay away from the alcohol. Just in case Kara called her and told her she changed her mind… She wanted to be sober for that.

She deserved better than Lena, but… she had been happy with her, so maybe... Just _maybe_ she would come back to her someday.

She doubted it though, and as she sat, crying at three in the morning, unable to sleep or eat… She knew her selfish and coldhearted tendencies had destroyed her only chance at happiness… Because the only way she’d ever be happy was if Kara were hers… and because that was never going to happen again, she really just wanted to die.

She flopped back on her bed, her head hitting the pillows with a loud *poof* when she decided that she would give Kara the space that she asked for, but she’d let her know once a day (via delivery person) that she was still there. That she was still Kara’s whether Kara kept her or not, and she would stay devoted to her for the rest of time.

**XXX**

It had been two weeks before she heard from Kara… And it was only through a text. A simple little message… One that had no emojis or smileys, which caused Lena’s stomach to churn and heart to ache.

 **Kara: (7:09pm):** _Hi._

Lena gulped, knowing that Kara only texted like that when she was upset or sad… Lena was sure it was both this time.

 **Lena: (7:10 pm):** _Hello._

She waited with bated breath for the response.

 **Kara: (7:19 pm):** _I punched her._

Lena furrowed her brow. Who was she speaking about? Surely it couldn’t mean…

 **Lena: (7:19 pm):** _Who?_

The response was instantaneous.

 **Kara: (7:20 pm):** _….._

Lena sighed, not wanting to cause anymore problems by playing this out, so she just asked what they both already knew.

 **Lena: (7:20 pm):** _… Sam??_

 **Kara: (7:21 pm):** _Yes._

Lena swallowed the lump in her throat and hoped to god that this meant there was hope for them.

 **Lena: (7:22 pm):** _Do you feel at all better?_

God, she hoped so… She hated herself for causing Kara so much agony…. She had to wait another excruciating two hours before the response came.

 **Kara: (9:34 pm):** _No._

Her heart sank… _Of course_ , that didn’t make her feel any better; it was a _Kiss_ that both Sam **_and_** Lena had shared… She hadn’t even punched the one that had betrayed Kara the most… **_Lena._** So… maybe…

 **Lena: (9:35 pm):** _You can punch me as many times as you want if it will make you feel even slightly better._

She waited anxiously for another five minutes, but the message that she hopes for doesn’t come… Instead, her balcony doors slide open, and Kara steps in, stoic look on her face. “Hurting you back wouldn’t make me feel better.” She said monotonously.

Lena stood wide-eyed but eventually found her voice. “Then what would?” She asked pleadingly. “Whatever you want, I will get it for you.”

Kara sighed and shook her head… “I don’t know what would, honestly.”

Lena folded in on herself, feeling guilt and longing for Kara’s touch go at war with her insides. “I hate myself for hurting you.” She whispered.

Kara smiled sadly. “Well, I still love you, so that’s not necessary.”

Lena felt a tear run down her cheek, and she hurriedly wiped it away. Not wanting to make Kara feel guilty for her decision.

“I enjoyed the chocolates you sent.” Kara chuckled.

Lena looked at her with so much hope filling her insides that she felt like she was going to explode. “Yeah?”

Kara nodded. “And the flowers.”

Lena smiled shyly. “I know about your fondness for plumerias.” She whispered.

Kara took a step closer. “And the painting set.”

Lena felt butterflies in her stomach as Kara stepped into her personal space. “You hurt me.” She said, causing Lena’s butterflies to die inside her, their corpses weighing heavily in her stomach, causing her to be nauseous.

“I’m sorry.” Lena whimpered, her eyes downcast to the red boots that adorned Kara’s feet and legs... “I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

“I know,” Kara crooned. “I know you are.”

Lena looked up, perplexed by Kara’s soft tone. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right.”

Kara sighed. “I can’t jump right back into the engagement, Lee… You love me, yes, but you still have _feelings_ for her.”

Lena’s stomach plummeted. “No! I swear to god I don’t, Kara! You are the only one I want.”

Kara’s saddened expression deepened, which only further confused the CEO. “Then why kiss her at all?”

For the last two weeks, Lena’s brain had tried so hard to calculate the reasoning behind the kiss, and when she really focused in on her thinking at that particular point in time, she realized she knew why it happened… She just couldn’t believe how disgusting she was. So, she looked to the floor as she began her response, too ashamed to look Kara in the eye.

 “Because I’m pathetic.” She started, and when Kara opened her mouth to disagree, she held up her hand and continued. “No, I am…” She said decisively. “I know why I kissed her, and now I hate myself even more.”

Kara frowned, and in a small voice, asked. “Why?”

The lump in Lena’s throat returned as she answered the woman she loved. “Because I never fully understood why you’d want to be with me. How you could look past everything, my brother has done to your cousin and the world and love me for me. I always told myself that I don’t deserve you and that someday you’d see that and leave… And when Sam kept looking at my lips, I subconsciously thought ‘here’s my chance to prove to her once and for all that I’m undeserving of her love… That every Luthor is evil!’. So, I asked Sam _why_ she kept looking at my lips, she told me that it was because she’d had a crush on me forever, but never wanted to hurt you or me, and I just leaned in and kissed her. Not only did I betray you, the love of my life, but I broke my best friend’s heart to do it… I’ve lost her, and I’ve ruined mine and your relationship… That’s why.”

Kara stood still, frozen in place which only added to Lena's heartache. “Why would you want to prove to me that you ‘don’t deserve me’?”

Lena shrugged. “Because I’m stupid.”

Kara grabbed both of Lena’s cheeks, “You are the most intelligent human on this planet.” She said sternly. “You are courageous, heroic, and strong. Not to mention kindhearted, sympathetic, and so many other positive things.”

Lena’s heart melted like chocolate in the sun for a moment before realizing that none of those things mattered anymore… She’d still lost Kara. “Right… Because someone with all of those qualities would hurt you the way I have…” She said sarcastically.

Kara smiled briefly at that before her face turned serious once more. “Do you love Sam?” She asked.

Lena’s eyes widened in horror. “No! Kara, I told you… It’s only you. It always has been and always will be _just you._ ”

Kara nodded. “Have you been with anyone since we broke up?”

Lena shook her head rapidly, feeling sick at the thought of being with anyone besides Kara. “Not even a hug… I _swear_.”

Kara nodded again. “Did you send me a gift a day for the past eleven days because you wanted me to know how much you love me?”

Lena furrowed her brows, but nodded her head in Kara’s hands, earning a small smile from Kara.

“Finally, would you ever betray me like this ever again in the future?”

Lena’s eyes widened drastically, and she shook her head vehemently. “NO!” She exclaimed. “No, Kara. I promise I’ll never hurt you again. I know we’re only friends no-,”

“Then we can work through this,” Kara said matter-of-factly.

Lena’s heart stopped. “W-what?”

Kara frowned. “Do you not want to? I-,” Before Kara could start rambling again, Lena took her hands from her face, took the ring box out of her robe pocket, and knelt in front of Kara once more.

“Kara Zor-El, would you _please_ forgive me for all of my transgressions, and marry me?" She paused momentarily. "For real, this time?” She added.

Kara looked down at her with a beaming smile. “YES!” She squealed, causing Lena’s heart to soar.

She slid the ring back onto the hand it belonged on. She then stood up, cupping Kara’s cheeks in her palms, and praying to Rao that the answer to the next question would be a ‘yes’ as well; because she felt abundantly dirty knowing that the last pair of lips to be pressed against her own didn’t belong to Kara. “Can I _please_ kiss you?”

Kara chuckled and nodded. “Absolutely.”

Relief.

Euphoria.

Passion.

Love.

That’s what she felt when their lips finally reunited in a fiery kiss. Their lips dancing together as if they’d been made for nothing else. Their tongues caressing each other as if they were the most precious things in existence. Their breaths mingling together and becoming one.

Lena couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, surrendering control to the Kryptonian princess before her. But instead of taking control, Kara smiled too, giggling like a school girl, and Lena couldn’t help but join in.

Soon, they were both giggling like fools for no apparent reason other than pure exultation, and Lena found herself unable to care… She was just _happy._

“I love you,” Lena said nervously as she rested her forehead against her fiancée’s.

Kara grinned. “I love you, too.” She replied, meeting Lena’s eyes, her mesmerizing blue eyes stealing the air right out of Lena’s lungs.

After gazing into each other’s pupils for a moment, Lena had to ask the question that had been on her mind since the first text.

“You _actually_ punched Sam!?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope it was enjoyable!
> 
> Please me know what you thought!


End file.
